LIFE LESSON FROM HUMAROCK, MA

A couple of weekends ago, I drove down to a creative storytelling workshop that was being held at a small bungalow right on Humarock Beach, a short distance north of Cape Cod. I joined eight other folks who were all passionate about the art of storytelling. Our leaders were two of the better known and popular American tellers, Jay O’Callahan and Marni Gillard. It was a wonderful weekend of telling and listening to life stories told by men and women who had actually lived the stories they told. Jay and Marni thoughtfully guided the discussion to create moments of sheer ‘aha’, insights into the lives of everyday people and families and little by little, the personalities of each of us.

There were few constraints placed on us by our coaches and over the course of the days and evenings, real people emerged from the many stories that were created and told. A key requirement was that after each telling, feedback was to be invited by the teller about any aspect of the telling experience that touched each of the listeners in some way. Jay and Marni gently insisted that our comments had to be appreciative in nature, not critical. During the feedback, the teller could not respond in any explanatory way about what they had said or created in the story line.

At first, we all felt a bit awkward in giving appreciative feedback to a stranger. I wondered how the comments could turn out to be anything but platitudes and neutral generalizations. After all, each of us had come to Humarock to learn more about creative storytelling, gain some performance skills and push our personal comfort zone about the making of stories and the public sharing of them. I remember thinking during the first round of appreciative feedback the first evening that this could be a very long weekend and not much worthwhile and authentic was going to happen.

But the sensitive, thoughtful and totally sincere appreciations that were shared by Jay and Marni and how they responded to our collective appreciations of their own shared stories, fostered a subtle shift in the initial awkwardness. To my surprise and delight, as each of us became more comfortable with the appreciative technique, both as a giver and receiver, deeper, more powerful stories of the human condition began to flood into our sharing circle. One dimensional story lines easily and somewhat magically morphed quickly into rich and deep characterizations with compelling story lines that grabbed your heart and soul and would not let you go. The appreciative comments provided the catalyst that evaporated long held hesitations, embarrassments, regrets and doubts while fresh, intriguing and energizing snapshots of each of our lives began to emerge. I became a willing beneficiary of the appreciative feedback. My stories became bolder, more vivid and more character driven than I ever remember them being in the past. I pushed my creative boundaries and I loved the emotional rush it brought to me.

It was a long drive home to Ontario from Humarock. Almost twelve hours, so I had a lot time to think about my experience and decide how I had been affected by it.

I realized that many of us are operating each day with our loved ones, colleagues, neighbours and strangers in a default, non-appreciative style. Disciplining oneself to be more appreciative of others, their actions, idiosyncrasies, strengths and failings is tough, unfamiliar, awkward work. It takes practice, lots of it. It takes time, lots of it. It takes appreciative feedback from others, lots of it. Giving genuine appreciative feedback to others can make us physically and emotionally vulnerable. And that’s really an uncomfortable place to deliberately put oneself time and time again.

I am going to take the time to invest myself into becoming a more appreciative person in my relationships. I will invite, consider and use appreciative comments about my storytelling and my writing.

Thank you my Humarock colleagues for an experience that exceeded my expectations in unexpected ways. Until next time…

Author: Don Herald (Member of Peterborough Storytellers) August, 2012