UNSPOKEN CONVERSATIONS

For the past couple of years, I have been working at trying to become a more skilled, confident and versatile storyteller. When I was working as a corporate trainer and consultant, one of the hallmarks of my style was telling real life stories about the people I had met who were experiencing personal, professional and organizational change. Based on the feedback I got, it would seem that most folks felt I was good at it.

When I retired, I joined a local storytelling group in my city. At my first meeting, I unexpectedly found myself telling an anecdotal story from my work life that listeners found entertaining. But as a teller now in a non-business environment, I experienced it differently. I couldn’t really put my finger on what was exactly different about the experience. Over time I began to realize that not only was I a teller at each of the meetings, but more importantly, I was now an active, engaged listener to told stories. And my colleagues in the group are very good tellers and performers. I realized that I was actively learning from each of them and trying out some of the lessons in my own telling. Some of the techniques worked nicely for me; others didn’t suit. For me now, our meetings are sometimes more about the listening and less so about the telling.

I have now told many times in my local venue. I have taken a creative storytelling course by the ocean near Cape Cod. There, I watched two master storytellers at work, enthusiastically sharing the skills of their craft but also being wonderful coaches to nine aspiring storytellers. I am starting to branch out a bit, taking more risks in the types of stories I tell and the audiences that come to listen. I am now doing more self-reflection and critiquing of my stories and performances than I ever did when I was in the corporate world. But, in spite of all of this gradual, welcome growth, I still felt as if there was still a piece that I was missing to the art of storytelling. Until today.

I was watching a video by the American motivational speaker and storyteller, Les Brown. He mentioned ‘the unspoken conversations’ that go on between the storyteller and each listener in his or her audience. It was one of those ‘ah ha’, ‘the light suddenly goes on’ moments for me.

As a listener, I realized that I was indeed having unspoken conversations with the teller during their story. I was having unshared expectations about what the story was going to offer and do for me. I was having unshared emotional reactions to the story and to the teller. Sometimes I find myself having unspoken conversations with the story’s characters. Other times, I was resisting the urge to interrupt the teller and talk with her about the complex, layered experience her telling was creating for me.

As a teller, I realized that I am also having unspoken conversations with each of my listeners. There are as many conversations going on in the room as there are listeners and tellers. Up until today, I haven’t really thought much about having unspoken conversations with my listeners. Whether I am telling a story well or not so well, the unspoken conversations always happen and shape the experience for all of us.

Now I have to figure out how to effectively use this ‘ah ha’ realization in my storytelling. This could be difficult as it’s really a new skill territory for me and to do it well will certainly push me out beyond my current comfort zone. But I am game to try.

Since I am a social worker by training and by nature, interested in what makes people tick, today’s ‘ah ha’ has also encouraged me to think about the role of ‘unspoken conversations’ in other aspects of my life. Intellectually, it makes lots of sense to put words to those silent conversations and voice them to others. But, further thinking on that will have to wait for another time and perhaps another blog post.

And what about your ‘unspoken conversations’?

Author is Don Herald, a member of Peterborough Storytellers (September 19, 2012)